Crushes
I’m prone to ridiculous schoolgirl crushes on completely inappropriate people. This tendency might have kept me from marrying the love of my life because I kept it a secret. Once I bared all, he was quite befuddled that I’d gotten so worked up about crushes. “Is that all?”
So we settled into a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with the escape clause that if the crush was becoming a problem, we’d talk about it. For the first year or so of marriage, I was completely avoidant of any activity that might put me in the path of a potential crush. They were scary to me! I might get out of control! Then, last summer, I found my perfect, bulletproof crush. He’s married, has a kid, he’s not quite good looking enough to be “my type,” but his kind, strong personality makes up for that. And if he ever made a move on me, everything I like about him would be disproved and my crush would dissolve. It’s perfect. Bulletproof.
Now, when I see my crush, I get that heady, high school hallway rush. Once, he gave me a piece of dark chocolate and I was high on life for the next 24 hours. I think there are just some neurotransmitters that don’t get released in a stable, healthy relationship and I’ve figured out the key to getting my fix: crushes that are not acted upon are superior to crushes acted upon in cases where both parties are in good relationships. My crush gets to be perfect. Reality is never perfect. So I’m no longer afraid of getting out of control and acting on a crush. Acting on it would destroy it, and why ruin my harmless fun?
