Roommate not wanted
I loved this post on interview questions for potential roommates.
One of the best things about no longer being poor/living in an affordable city/being married is that I don’t have to sweat the roommates. I was spoiled in college and the worst I got was a Jesus freak who would talk to her boyfriend on the phone in bed when I was trying to sleep in preparation for an 8 AM exam. Annoying, but little more. The “real world” was not so kind.
First house: Travis, Juli, Mandy
Interview questions generated by living with this crew:
When your mother visits at Christmas and cooks you dinner, a.) expect her to leave the dishes in the sink and that youwon’t lift a finger to clean up her mess b.) expect some bitchin’ leftovers, c.) cook?
Do you bathe your dog a.) in a special tub just for him, b.) outside, c.) in the shared tub–you like bathing in dog hair.
Do you have a set of rollers so you can cycle in our living room?
Do you have a long history of roomates “hating” or “being jealous” of you?
Apartment in grad school, round one: Elayne
Are you “funny about food?”
If you ask me to cook dinner for you and some of your friends on your boyfriend’s birthday and I offer to do so, would you a.) ask me for a few bucks to cover beer the next morning, b.) ask me to split the grocery bill, including a birthday cake and beer for 8 people, c.) say “dude, you cooked and cleaned up while my friends and I hung out, I should pay you!”
When you say your boyfriend will be around a few nights a month, do you mean a.) just that, b.) more like a few nights a week, c.) almost every night, and he’ll be hocking loogies in the shower every morning.
Proper notification that you will not be returning after the summer includes a.) leaving a note, b.) turning in the lease renewal form with only my signature on it, c.) both of the above
Have you ever cleaned the bathroom or performed any regular household chores?
Summer subletter:
Have you kept your old commodore 64s (yes, plural) from your childhood? If yes, are you planning on bringing them here to play games?
Do you wear tightie whities? Do you plan on keeping those under wraps?
Do you use knives and then stick them back into the block, unwashed?
Do you cook pizzas in the oven when it’s 90 degrees out and we have no air conditioning?
Are you obsessed with Transformers?
The last time I ever see you you will be a.) walking out the front door with a box in your hand, b.) watching Stephen King miniseries from a VHS recording made circa 1991, c.) gnawing on a summer sausage in your tightie whities while “casually retreating” to your room when I make an unexpected mid-morning return home.
Final Grad School Roommate:
Do you yell at video games? A lot?
Yeah, he was a dream come true, that guy. Best roommate ever. I even liked his jailbait girlfriend.
